I hate goodbyes, always have. I didn’t say goodbye to some of the places and people I loved because I didn’t want it to be goodbye. I never let myself think about it because I didn’t want to unlock the flood of emotions that was inevitable. When I left for US, there was a dog I adored, I felt I wouldn’t see him again alive but I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye. In the weeks prior to the return to India, I never let myself think about leaving because I wished to leave with a smile on my face. Recently too, there were no goodbyes, just last times.

So basically I just had a lot of last times and goodbyes but I never let myself feel the hurt at the moment, I tried to protect myself. And when the hurt eventually came, God helped me through it.

In a book “Rejoice” by Karen Kingsbury, one of the character writes a poem for her son for his wedding. She talks about the last times, the last time he ran to her arms, the last soccer game etc. This had me thinking too, we don’t realize the last time is a last time until it just is. If only, we knew, not sure if things would be different!

So in my case, it would strike me later that that moment, it was a last time in that place or with that person. That’s what happened last year after reaching India, when I realized my dear friends and family I had left behind, and I had only God to share my sadness with. It was hard and in moments of despair I questioned God for bringing the hurt.

Anyhow, at this point I realize that goodbyes and last times are all part of life. None of it is without God’s knowledge so it’ll be all right! And I know that memories remain of those moments and I can live my life holding on to the good memories even as walk towards creating new memories and moments in my onward life.

Here’s a toast to all those precious and sometimes not-so-precious moments which when put together which we call life!